As 15th Dec starts to get near,my emotions starts to move to a bad state.The realization of my maid's departure,is tearing my emotions apart.A person yet so close but is leaving how would you feel?Everone close to you starts to tell you,that's is part and parcel of life.Do they know the feeling of someone close to them departs?No,i guess not.They are not in my shoes to understand how i feel.Yes,I may be prejudice to those who tried to console me,but they will never know the agony i'm going through right now.
I may appear to be happy,a person without worries.But in actual fact,I do have lots of worries,it's just that i don't show it.I'm sad,i'm really am.I feel that I'm such a failure at times,when i try to do this particular thing,I failed.What does that make me?A loser,or a failure?
Let's not mention about the sad thing now.Finally,found a guy that I like,it's a mixture of feelings.Whether it's a crush or just plain substitution?It's really sad to have this myriad of emotions.Recently,a feeling of insecurities starts to act up again.I start to tear a lot,I feel so sad.I hide myself in my own corner again,I start to isolate away from people again.Why?People will tell me that I'm being desperate or whatsoever,they will never know the feeling of being a pessimistic person.They will NEVER will.Some people just think for themself,when will they ever spare a thought for others?Friends?Sometimes it's just a significant symbol to represent people's relations in the society.The person whom you can relate to may be your enemy in time to come.That shows how fragile in friendship wise.

Thoughts of the day:-
DO NOT LOOK BACK
As you travel through life there are always those times
When decisions just have to be made,
When the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce
And the rain seems to soak your parade.
There are some situations where all you can do
Is simply let go and move on,
Gather your courage and choose a direction
That carries you toward a new dawn.

So pack up your troubles and take a step forward -
The process of change can be tough,
But think about all the excitement ahead
There might be adventures you never imagined
Just waiting around the next bend,
And wishes and dreams just about to come true
In ways you can't yet comprehend!

Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new things
As you challenge your status quo,
And learn there are so many options in life,
Perhaps you'll go places you never expected
And see things that you've never seen,
Or travel to fabulous,
faraway worlds
And wonderful spots in between!

Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and care
And somebody special who's there
To help you stay centered and listen with interest
To stories and feelings you share.

Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends
Are supportive of all that you do,
And believe that whatever decisions you make,
They'll be the right choices for you.
So keep putting one foot in front of the other,
And taking your life day by day...
There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road
-Don't look back! You're not going that way!

Sunday, November 28, 2004

[[]]

Come to think of the years in fairfield,it's been a long time.However,when I have "graduate",I feel kinda lost?Why?When I was retained,I hate the batch.They are so naive,ignorant.But now,they mature and think differently.It's really sad isn't it?I really grown to love this batch,but we are going our separate ways soon.I'm really filled with a myriad of emotions and lots of questions?Will we still keep in contact?Will we still stay as close?
To compare my own batch and with this batch,i really prefer this batch.They really show you real affections and not with any "crocodile tears" like my own batch.They are so hypocritical that no words could describe.About love,I have given up.It's tiring to hope for this particular "infatuation" to reciprocate the love.It's too difficult.Yes,compromising is always the key to a successful relationship.But there's how many successful cases?I'm pessimistic,but I'm sick of all the quarrels,break-ups.The dramas.What a weird reason towards pursuing love?

Thoughts of the day:-
Sing we for love and idleness,
naught else is worth the having

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:14 AM|

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

[[]]

Broken Vow

Tell me her name I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

Chorus

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

Chorus

I saw the guy that i like on saturday.I'm filled with a whole different of emotions.I thought that I should be happy but i'm not.I'm filled with disappointment because this is the time that i finally understand that our life would never cross each other and that we would always be a total stranger in this life.How ironic can it be?
Friends?I feel like I'm always alone all this while,although i've friends,but afterall i'm just a substitute for someone else?How miserable can one individual be?When you feel that you have a friend that can be brand as "best friends" but disappointment starts to overwhelm you,how would you feel?Probably,friends are just part and parcel of life,they will just pass by and leave out from your life.Being sensitive is a part of one's life i guess.

Thoughts of the day:-
Pride gets no pleasure out of having something,
only out of having more of it than the next man

c.s.Lewis

[[Last Wrote]]*|2:31 AM|

Monday, November 08, 2004

[[]]

You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.

Which kind of candy are you?
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[[Last Wrote]]*|10:53 PM|

[[]]

'Normal' PLEASE VOTE!!!

What Type of Lunatic are You?
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[[Last Wrote]]*|10:49 PM|

[[]]

Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
its there, and your friends can see it. You
constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
way, and you think you screwed up everything.
And when you are in love is when you are sad
the most. (Please Vote)

What Emotion Dominates you?
brought to you by quizilla

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:46 PM|

[[]]

Your soul is bound to the Rose Petals: The
Wronged.
"'ve come undone and all hopes of mending
me are gone because the pain took my soul.
Can't you see? The only one who can put me
back together again is me."
The Rose Petals are associated with sorrow,
reflection, and wisdom. They are governed by
the goddess Persephone and their sign is The
Teardrop, or Broken Love.
As a Rose Petal, you are always self-reflective and
may be hard on yourself. You probably have
been hurt in the past by other people and can
sometimes distance yourself, as a result. You
don't usually let other get too close to you,
but you are very good at mending your spirits
back together by yourself.

What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
brought to you by quizilla

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:43 PM|

[[]]

Your wings are BROKEN and tattered. You are
an angelic spirit who has fallen from grace for
one reason or another - possibly, you made one
tragic mistake that cost you everything. Or
maybe you were blamed for a crime you didn't
commit. In any case, you are faithless and
joyless. You find no happiness, love, or
acceptance in your love or in yourself. Most
days are a burden and you wonder when the
hurting will end. Sweet, beautiful and
sorrowful, you paint a tragic and touching
picture. You are the one that few understand.
Those that do know you are likely to love you
deeply and wish that they could do something to
ease your pain. You are constantly living in
memories of better times and a better world.
You are hard on yourself and self-critical or
self-loathing. Feeling rejected and unloved,
you are sensitive, caring, deep, and despite
your tainted nature, your soul is
breathtakingly beautiful.
Image is a painting by Natalya Nesterova,
source:ca80.lehman.cuny.edu/.../
images/fallen_angel.jpg

*~*~*Claim Your Wings - Pics and Long Answers*~*~*
brought to you by quizilla

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:40 PM|

[[]]

You have a fiery soul. You aren't the quickest to
get angered, but when you do get angry things
can go really wrong really fast. You are
generally very passionate in the things you do.
(Rate my test)

What force is your soul?
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[[Last Wrote]]*|10:36 PM|

[[]]

Waaah! You're so LOVABLE! Everybody likes you,
because you're a great person to have around
and it's always happy about everything ^^.
congrats! and...can I hug you?? plz! ^///^

Yet another personality test ^-^ (nice anime pics!) NEW outcome!!
brought to you by quizilla

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:34 PM|

Thursday, November 04, 2004

[[]]

Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

[[Last Wrote]]*|10:00 PM|

[[]]

You're Element is Night. You're a loner who is very
creative but never show your work to anyone.You may smile a little but sadness orloneliness surround you and other can feel itwhen they're near you. You have a dark orunusual beauty that makes you mysterious andyou probably have a lot of secrets that you'venever told anyone. You're beauty is intrigingand unorthidox but the real thing that makesyou special is your eyes. Something in themmakes them like Diamonds in the Rough. (If you
can't see tje pics, go to my homepage and look
near the bottom and find your result)

What's" Your Element? (for gurls) (PICS)
brought to you by

[[Last Wrote]]*|6:17 AM|

[[]]

You're an Autum. You're much more laid back then
most and you're very comfortable in new
situations. You rather let things go with the
flow than try to change them. You have a lot of
close friends who love you because you can help
them with their problems. You're a very patient
person and it take a lot to get you rattled.
You're deffinately a lover not a hater. (If you
can't see tje pics, go to my homepage and look
near the bottom and find your result)

What season are you? (pics)
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[[Last Wrote]]*|6:14 AM|

[[]]

You're a Vampire. Vampires were the creatures of
the night that were believed to live off of
human blood. Count Dracula, being the most
famous vampire, set the stereotype. They had
dark hair and pale skin from being away from
the sunlight. If they actually existed, it's
very possible they had the skin disease that
made you allergic to the sun so whenever the
sunlight would hit it, it would hurt like
crazy. They were usually snobbish and control
freaks and kept werewolves as pets. (If you
cannot see the picture, go to my userpage and
look near the bottom. There should be the
picture and description for all the results)

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by quizilla

[[Last Wrote]]*|6:12 AM|

[[]]

You came from the sky. Your a daydreamer and prefer
to have a good look on situations.


Where did you come from?
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[[Last Wrote]]*|6:09 AM|

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

[[]]

If Your Heart's Not In It

I'm missing you
Girl even though you're right here by my side
Cause lately it seems
The distance between us is growing too wide
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
It's the last thing that I wanna hear

Chorus:
But if your heart's not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If love's already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your heart's not in it

You say that you love me
But baby sometimes
You're just saying the words
If you've got something to tell me
Don't keep it inside
Let it be heard
I'm so afraid that you're saying it's over
Girl I'll make it easy for you

Chorus:
If your hearts not in it, for real
Please dont try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the whole world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your hearts not in it

How I wish I could take us back in time
But it's gone too far now we can't rewind
There's nothing I can do
To stop from losing you
I can't make you change your mind
If your heart's not in it

Chorus:
If your hearts not in it, for real
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away

If your hearts not in it
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel
If the loves already gone
It's not fair to lead me on
Cause I would give the world, for you
Anything you ask of me, I'd do
But I won't ask you to stay
I'd rather walk away
If your hearts not in it

Helplessness?When do you reach the stage of feeling helpless?The incapability of keeping someone you love by your side?Or the one you love does not love you?How ironic to see this kind of situation?Friendship,a word for representing a bond with people?Or just a plain label that is being make used of when someone is in need of something?Do people in this world really trust friends?I really don't know?!As O levels are near,you see the selfishness in individuals?Is that called selfish or just plain competitive?
When you need help,no one helps,how would you feel?Bear a grudge over the person or work even harder to answer to yourself?Believing in yourself that you can succeed in life?Staying positive is a good thing,is the process that counts.With process,there will be results.
I'm upset,deeply upset,my loved ones is leaving.She's leaving at the end of this year,although it may be saddening,but I'll let go.Leaving her with memories of good times and bad.I'll really miss my maid,although it's a part and parcel of life.I'll faced it with bravery and honesty.

Thoughts of the day:-
Love go toward love,as school boys from their book,
but love from love,toward school with heavy look

[[Last Wrote]]*|1:05 AM|

[[]]

Dark shadow. Something has drawn you into darkness
in the past, and you're now trying to get out
of it. The darkness is already inside you, and
getting it out will be hard, but if you try,
maybe one day you can be who you want to be
again. Don't give in!!!

Please rate ^^

What kind of dark person are you?
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[[Last Wrote]]*|1:02 AM|